BENEATH OUR SKINS (Voices In my Head)

I hear voices in my head, telling me the things that most of you would probably hide. Those thoughts that are clogged up in your minds, the hidden tears, the subtle hopes, the damning fears and worries, all that. I call them memories. Memories, unknown to many, are like daggers. They pierce our souls with thoughts of the unseen.  Whether good or bad, memories have the aptitude to brighten up your present, or worse still, screw up your present. I used to live in memories, reminiscing the days I could coil up all night as I make those calls. Meditating so much wishing that I could draw a tear from my emotions, but it never came.

A friend of mine this morning said that the worst thing that could happen to any soul is failing to establish their true potential and real value. Many are the times we get too ignorant to establish what our worth is and fail ourselves by settling for less. You spend the best time of your youth chasing skirts to sleep with and when you get one to you love waking up to, she shreds your frail heart apart. It wasn’t written in the books, and no, its not fate, its just that you failed yourself. You undervalued your worth and no matter how much you regret, the scars will remain. It happened to me once, you get too mushed up that you even forget you had a career, that you had goals, and when its all over, the blame game begins. Better yet, if you heed loyalty to the Wenger led outfit, Arsenal starts winning, and you even blame her for their dip in form. Hell! You even blame her for the Westgate attack!!

Bob Dylan once said that behind every beautiful thing, there`s some kind of pain, I don’t know about that so you attest it. What I know for sure is that there`s always a good side to getting hurt or disappointed. After some time, it stops to bother you and you learn your lesson. Its such a lie that we should do what’s in our hearts, truth is, if we all id what’s in our hearts, I can wager my left nut that the world would come to a halt. I always believe that the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while and it’s not a lie if you believe it, or neither is it a mistake if you do it repeatedly. Sometimes our hearts can lead us to places that may not lead to happy endings.

Our lives are shaped by those who help us realize our worth and potential, and those who mock us and bring us down. And when the latter happens, don’t mop about it, and if you must, then do it but don’t let it dictate you. Smile like everything is okay, act like nothing is changed, let it go, move on, not because there`s nothing else you can do, but because no one deserves that kinda shit! Then again, we all have reasons for keeping some people away, it’s an instinct to protect ourselves and its all human nature, nothing Greek about it. The same wall that shuts others out, is the same wall that shuts you in. Also, forgetting it doesn’t make it all better, it makes you hurt when you remember it!

Through all the disappointments from friends, I've finally realized the people that you love who don't love you back are just another lesson in life, it's like God is teaching us that there can be so much better than what we thought was the best. Sometimes in my sleep and dreams I ask myself where I went wrong.  Then a voice tells me that it’s gonna take more than one night to figure that out. The only thing standing between us and happiness is the reality. What many fail to know is that happiness is a personal choice, it all lies within you. I live with the stars where I dream and believe that everything and all is okay with the world and the people in it. Being happy is an endless battle you can have with yourself, it seems you`re always so happy yet you know you’re always so sad also.  

The world is full of profanity, selfish people, adolescents, racism, O-Zone depletion, PMS, Manchester united, sexism, terrorists, small boobs and what not, makes you wonder with all that, why the eff would one wish me a good day?! In life, you ought to know where the bullshit ends, and where the truth begins. And if its any consolation, always know that there is a certain freedom in being completely screwed, because you know things just cant get any worse. Finally, just take an emotional breath, step back, inhale again, say woosah a coupla times, then remind yourself who is actually the lead in your life, who is actually in charge of your life. Then again, as I said earlier, these are all voices in my head!