Her ugly heart

i hurt myself again
not with anything but pain
least of the do`s that are deemed vain
as nothing was more of the gain
i wanted to feel
if my fear was real
a feeling with a message
an image
a symbol
subtle allusions
that will tease my brain with wonder and thoughts
from her ugly heart

the end begins with silence
but ends with words
words of pain
of memories
of regrets
of hopes
of dreams and wishes
of sudden sour tastes in what you once had a fetish for
of endless whys
of what culminated in the past
of what happened to your past
due to her ugly heart

hate also has an art
for love is to the heart
or so was
i could see beauty in her heart
but not the ugly heart she had
ugly for not waiting
for not wanting
for not believing in time
in us
in all what seemed surreal
in giving chances
and seizing chances
in her ugly heart

she won the whole token of my love
and in return i got bliss
albeit in the shortcomings
the size in the token doesn`t reflect
the size or the heart that bringeth it
as my frail heart brimmed with affections
her`s brimmed of contempt
and intent
beckoning my hope
and wish
thus drawing me to the present
pinning my feeble soul to ponders
here i am
lifting my gaunt  head upwards
in sad supplication
of  i
the lone watcher of the hearts
of this evening twilight
lost in the misted eyes two heaven
and to Him i pray
would she?
could she?
rise
save me from my own demise?
and He gives me the answer
in the sprouting wind breeze
stinging to my bone
beckoning me to be sane
between this day and the next
away from her ugly heart!!