Chit chat with God

If I ever met God, or Quentin Tarantino for that matter, I can bet my left nut my first question will be “What was in that briefcase in Pulp Fiction”?

But come to think, if I ever had a sitdown with the big man up above, the following would ensue.

Me: So, God, how’s it hanging? I have loads of questions dude, now, what is the question to the answer of life, sin, the cosmos and all sundry?

God: 69

Me: That’s the answer, Mr God, I’m asking what’s the question.

God: Oh, that, okay smartass, well, your question about the question and the answer cannot coexist in the same cosmos. A parallel universe has the question, you see, after establishing some hegemony in a parallel universe, I then…..

Me: I’m losing you God, are you sure you gave me the right ears?

God: Hey! I’m trying to answer your goddamn questions. Zip it! So now….

Me: Gosh! Ni hivo buda, usicatch..   so now, Mr. God, I have a feeling you tell dad jokes, how many times a day?

God: 69

Me: How many roads must a man walk down in life?

God: 69

Me: Are you sure?

God: Of course I am, I’m God!

Me: Aha..okay big man, so, what’s 23 x 3?

God: 69

Me: You really love that number, don’t you? I know I do..

God: Stop pushing it! But really, there’s something fundamentally wrong if you turned out this way. See, I’ve been reading this guide by Stephen Hawkings and he says..

Me: Hold up Mr. God, you read that too? That’s so cool, up top (Hi 5)

God: You’re really not funny, you know that right?

Me: I’ll ignore that for security purposes. Now, how can entropy be resolved? Yes, you can use a diagram.

God: Insufficient data to give a meaningful answer..I repeat..insuffici…

Me: Do you think women really know what they want?

God: I honestly don't have an answer to that!

Me: why do people say ‘irregardless” and ‘oftenly’?

God: I knowww, right? Makes me want to punch them in the throat..or kill them you know?

Me: Well well, hello there Mr. inappropriate? Onto the next.. can I get a definitive answer on this whole gay thing? What do you want to do to them? Okay, that sounds wrong.

God: Ha ha..I saw what you did there. Oh well, they outdid themselves, so there’s that.

Me: I have a huge feeling that there’s a Gspot for men up in the ass, whaddya think?

God: I think I should have given you a tumor or something.

Me: Talking of gspots, is it really there? Or is this a women folklore to belittle men?

God: (laughs quietly to himself)

Me: Did you really create us in 7 days or that’s just something the papers say?

God: Like magic, the mistake was fixed.

Me: Okay, but why?

God: Because.

Me: Because why?

God: Just because, Goddamnit!

Me: lol, so, did you really create evil?

God: Naah… that was a prank on kina Eve and Adam but it went viral and a tad bit too far.

Me: Why can’t you rescind it then?

God: Because it’s fun to watch humans conflict and shit…

Me: You sadistic bastard…

God: watch it you! Lest I kick the bejesus out of you!

Me: Okay..Gosh.. moving on, where did you really come from?

God: I’m the legend! (chest thumps).

Me: Okay big man, so, what’s the deal with tooth decay?

God: Too much candy..you fool!

Her: Final three now. First, was the duck billed platypus created for it’s sole comedic value ooor?

God: It’s edible..it’s also edible.

Me: Whooa..okay..okay. so, do you play call of duty? FIFA 15? Do you smoke pot?

God: Pass..pass. lol, Aalso, my favourite game is hide and seek, you should know by now.

Me: I could ask between the egg and the chicken who came first but…so, are you proud of what you’ve done? Like reeeeally?

God: What is it with you humans and accountability? Wait, that’s ironical, ain’t it?

Me: (nods) Okay, now why did you create the friendzone? I know I could just google the answers but I figured, heck, why not go straight to the top?

God: Because some people like Cabu gah need to be taught a lesson.

Me: Ha..that’s a good one. Now I have a confession, I bet you didn’t see that coming.

God: Hurry up then..I have to go and tweet about this, or even blog it.

Me: Meh…  so, here it goes, I’m not really a believer, I’m a cross breed between an atheist and an agnostic. No hard feelings, yeah?

God: Yeah yeah, LOL, Do I look like I care? We good bruv (whispers “just kidding”).

Me: ooookay Mr God, we do this again later?

God: proably not.

PS.

Notable mentions. (questions for our follow up meeting)

1.       So, what if I didn’t delete my browsing history that one time, do you think we’d still be together?

2.       Dude, where’s my car?

3.       So, how much trouble am I in?

4.       You created constipation just for kicks, didn’t ya?

5.       Why do women hate each other?

6.       When will Justin Beiber be ready for harvesting?