OWNING UP

Now before you loosen your holsters, I’d like to apologize for not posting anything in the past few months or so. I’ve been jammed with my other work and have basically run out of ideas to write about. I`m still whipped albeit in the shortcomings and wanting to......well, let’s just say that’s the core idea of this post, relationships!

Now  listen carefully my fledglings, Of course I know you heard me when I said I didn’t want a girlfriend, but like, Y`all don’t want to be in a relationship either. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve made this "mistake". I see a hot chick I like and I go deaf. I ignore all the signs that this is not a good fit and go barreling blindly ahead.

 I pretty much avoided relationships and their consequences for the first 23 years of my life.  As a cheeky, precocious child- a product of broken home syndrome to the extreme- I learned how to scam and flirt and wriggle my way out of ever really having to take responsibility for my actions.  When the situation warranted it, I could squeeze out a few fake tears or flatter my way back into good graces, or, when all else failed, lie like a motherfucker.  My narrow scope of the meaning of consequences was limited thinking that may be am not the best out there. Despite being a match maker in my high school days, where I could earn fortunes through writing love letters for my peers, I still couldn`t see the need to assert my relationship status quo.

And then, like some karmic slap in the face, relationships and consequences and I became almost like best friends in my early 20s.  The years of slacking off and partying when I should have been getting my shit together, the excuses about my imperfect childhood, and my seeming lack of consideration for any other human being around me all caught up to me at once when she changed and threatened to dump me. and dump me she did, (For all the aforementioned reasons, obviously.) As you would expect, I was devastated.  Like “bury your head in the sand and never come back up for air” devastated. She called me on my bullshit and when I fucked up, I had to face the consequences.  And there was no fixing it.

Undoubtedly, I`m a victim of my past. Many of us are burdened, if not caught up with our past. More than the consequences of our past actions, we let the memory of the past drag us down. We like to hit the rewind button in our memory and lick the wounds of long ago. We open up one painful memory and then a sudden flood of other unpleasant memories comes rushing in. And downward spiral we go.


We spend most of our time entertaining our bitterness, pains and disappointments of yesterday. We even spend countless hours just imagining the day we will get our vindication or even vengeance from past hurts.
 As we waste our time dwelling in our past, our present is wasted as well. And the sad thing is that our today is our tomorrow’s yesterday. Wasting the present now is just adding up to our wasted past. And the vicious cycle continues.

Many of us are also so anxious about our future. While our bodies reside in the present moment, our mind has time traveled years from now. We spend much time being worried and gloomy to things that has not happened yet. We are so absorbed in the “What Ifs” that we forget the “What nows?”

Our present also affects our future very much. To have a better tomorrow is to have a better today. Our actions today will greatly affect our future, good or bad. To waste your time today being anxious about tomorrow is to waste the opportunity to improve your tomorrow.

To live life is to live in the present moment. The past is dead and the future is yet unborn. The key to healing the past and having a hopeful future lies to what you will decide to do NOW. Now is the only thing we really got. If you waste the present moment by dwelling in the past or being anxious about the future, you end up losing everything.

Disclaimer: there might be a few borrowed ideas in the post but nonetheless, they serve the same purpose. and oh, not everything is factual.